How I Surrendered My Shovel

During church one Sunday, I saw it. A vivid image of myself standing at the bottom of a deep hole and continuing to dig it deeper. 

What did it mean?  

As I prayed and thought more about it, God showed me the significance. 

Doing what God doesn’t want me to do. Willfully disobeying him. Ignoring him. Turning away from his Word. Trying to hide from him. Running after my own desires and agenda. 

Every harsh word. Every negative thought.

Thinking I don’t deserve God’s grace. Denying his love for me.

Say I believe and want God’s will in my life. Then turning and doing what the world tells me I should do.

Telling everyone I’ve changed. Then going back to before, becoming more of the person God doesn’t want me to be.

Telling lies to myself and those I love, thinking no one will know or see. Justifying and glorifying what the world keeps offering me.

That’s how I fill up my shovel. I throw away more of God’s blessings as I dig. 

That’s how I dig the hole deeper. Deeper than anyone can see.

There’s only one way out. 

God, help me look up. No matter how small the view. Help me see only you. Help me climb out.

Take this shovel from me. Fill this gaping hole with your love and grace. 

When I reach level ground once again, take my hand. Fill in the hole so I never have to go there again. Lead me where you want me to go.

Together, we’ll reclaim what is yours and what is mine. The life you want for me.

“Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God. For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him. Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair, and you will find the right way to go. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy. Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe” (Proverbs 2:2-11).

Laura Warfel is a widow, writer, and follower of Jesus Christ. Her greatest joy is to bring others along with her on her faith journey. In 2015, because of the encouragement of the Launch Out Conference and Jon Acuff, she launched More Than A Widow on Facebook and Twitter. Today she blogs, tweets, and posts to help widows (and those who know them) find encouragement, hope, and resources for the journey. Her goal is to help all widows live beyond the label and live as more than a widow.
Copyright © 2017 by Laura Warfel