What I Really Want

Sometimes it’s fun to imagine what life would be like if what we lost came back again. 

I want my 20-year-old self (without the broken heart) back.

Mom's dress_Laura.jpg

I want my 40-year-old Dad (without the cigarettes) back.

I want 17-year-old friend Gene (before he knew he’d be my husband) back.

I want my 47-year-old Mom (driving her 1963 white Chevrolet Impala with the red interior) back.

Mom's dress_Mom.jpg

I want that 16-year-old’s October walk home from school (when the moon was amber and hanging so low, I was sure I could touch it and I swished the leaves with my feet as I walked, knowing I’d probably be in big trouble for getting home so late and not even caring) back.

I want that first touch of each grandchild’s hand (that’s 5 little hands) back.

Grammy and Grandkids.jpg

I want that 15-year-old’s first experience of seeing “Funny Girl” (even the “Oh, no!” that escaped when Nick told Fanny he wanted a divorce) back.

Funny Girl.jpg

I want that first read of that 12-year-old’s first story (in her bedroom at 409 North Bryan Street in West Frankfort, Illinois) back.

First story.jpg

I want that 37-year-old’s first day as a professional writer (and my car license plate with “LVWRDS” on it) back.


I want that first footstep of a girl-turned-woman on the soil of Africa (still can’t believe that really happened to me!) back.


I want that 18-year-old’s optimism about the future (and lack of knowledge about the details) back.

With Mary Ann (Williams) Dare, high school graduation

With Mary Ann (Williams) Dare, high school graduation

I want all the plants, flowers, pets, people who have died (before I was ready to lose them) back. 

I know. None of them are ever coming back.

That realization reminds me to treasure everyone and everything in my life right now. How about you?

Sometimes it’s fun to imagine what life would be like if what we lost came back again. Don’t get stuck there.

“Therefore, since God in his mercy has given us this new way, we never give up” (2 Corinthians 4:1).

Clock_Tempus Fugit.jpg

Laura Warfel is a widow, writer, and follower of Jesus Christ. Her greatest joy is to bring others along with her on her faith journey. In 2015, because of the encouragement of the Launch Out Conference and Jon Acuff, she launched More Than A Widow on Facebook and Twitter. Today she blogs, tweets, and posts to help widows (and those who know them) find encouragement, hope, and resources for the journey. Her goal is to help all widows live beyond the label and live as more than a widow.
Copyright © 2018 by Laura Warfel