Sometimes I remember the wrong things.
Things that …
Pinch my heart
Elicit instant tears
Make me wish I were someone else somewhere else
Yank my head back and pull my hair taut
Make me want to rewrite my life with a better plot
Things that feed my nightmares when I’m alone in the dark …
My husband’s death on our front porch
The semi that almost drove on top of me
Hearing the word cancer enter my daily vocabulary
Watching the one I wanted walk quietly away
Apologies I owed my Mom but never got to give her
Sometimes I remember the right things.
Things that …
Bring back the prize-winning smile I used to be known for
Ignite spontaneous praise to my Creator
Remind me that I am lovable and young at heart
Take me on mental adventures to places I've experienced
Reveal the writer who wants to come out and play with words
Things that warm the coldest day and banish the deepest fear …
Unconditional love hugs from my kids and grandkids
Laughing out loud at life’s irony
Singing a song in my car studio from my playlist like I was the first one who ever sang it (and remembering all the words)
Opening God’s Word with my Bible study group and praying together about joys and concerns
Phone conversations with my sister Barb and never running out of stuff to talk about
Sometimes I go back and forth, bouncing between past, present and future.
Knowing that the past is done and the future isn’t here yet and missing out on the present.
In the midst of feeling like a human volleyball, I meet God. In his Word.
He speaks truth into my human disarray of emotions and memories. He wants to salvage my past, present, and future with the lifeline of his love.
Our God is the God of …
Order, not confusion
Courage, not fear
Planning, not happenstance
Blessing, not karma
Joy, not depression
Let’s go to God today. Read his word. Talk with him in prayer. Listen for his leading.
He’s always there. Even when we don’t feel him or trust him or acknowledge him.
“How amazing are the deeds of the Lord! All who delight in him should ponder them. Everything he does reveals his glory and majesty. His righteousness never fails” (Psalm 111:2-3).
Laura Warfel is a widow, writer, and follower of Jesus Christ. Her greatest joy is to bring others along with her on her faith journey. In 2015, because of the encouragement of the Launch Out Conference and Jon Acuff, she launched More Than A Widow on Facebook and Twitter. Today she blogs, tweets, and posts to help widows (and those who know them) find encouragement, hope, and resources for the journey. Her goal is to help all widows live beyond the label and live as more than a widow.
Copyright © 2018 by Laura Warfel